I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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