Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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