Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
