could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
