fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
