She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
