so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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