Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
