just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
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