we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
