shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
