Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
