I am puke
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
