My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
