Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
