i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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