I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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