So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
