Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
