The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
