"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
