She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
