no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
don't judge my taste in strippers
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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