Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
