3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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