8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
