Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
