Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
