Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
