ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Even my vagina gasped.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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