Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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