Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
