You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
