i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Randomize
