he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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