There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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