I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
