yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
