Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
