If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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