hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
