I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
