your thong is hanging out like whoa
Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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