Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize