threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
So many bounce houses so little time
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
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