you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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