it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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