my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
