You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
it was like his penis was on wheels.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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