I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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