Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
