Barsexuality is the new black.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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