ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
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