How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
