My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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