omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
