I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
