OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
