You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
