he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
