she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize