Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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