He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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