He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
