This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
