I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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