I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize