dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize